Continue reading if you want some "raw" truth about my life actually, they are more like random thoughts (each of which could probably be a blog post). If you read blogs to think think that everyone's lives are happy and grand then, you should probably stop here. I know sometimes I'm only up for reading the "feel good" blogs. I won't judge you or be offended.
Life can't be lived by the number of blogs you follow, how many comments/followers you receive, how quickly you can reply to email, and facebook status updates. I don't think social websites are bad but I think we as a society need to come back to true community rather than cyber community. It's easy to hide in a virtual community, to pretend everything is okay, to only put happy statuses, etc. I'll be the first to admit that I have spent way too much time online, sent an email instead of calling or visiting and escaped in to the virtual "community" rather than facing reality.
I'm working part time this summer. It's fun but also quite a change of pace. I've been a SAHM for 2 1/2 years so, being back at work is just... different. I'm trying to spend my time outside of work with my husband, kids, family, friends, hobbies, etc. Balance. Balance is hard. Balance is necessary.
I started counseling last week. It's good. I've been depressed for quite a while and things have kind of come to a point that this is what I need to do. Or, I just got to a point where I was strong enough to pick up the phone. I go again tomorrow after work. And to the doctor on Tuesday afternoon for an evaluation to see if I should take an anti-depressant as well. Why am I sharing this? I think far too many people are depressed and far too many people are depressed and "in the closet"; I know I was for a long time. There is far too much shame and stigma and foolishness placed on depressed people (mostly by themselves). We need to move past that.
After making my first counseling appointment I described to a friend that I felt, "both completely terrified and completely empowered." I still feel the same way only slightly less terrified.
Being a Mom is a really hard job. Being a stay at home Mom may even be harder in some ways. It's easy to lose a sense of self while changing diapers, folding laundry, cleaning up, making dinner, etc.
Date nights are uber important. Nights out with friends perhaps just as important. Just sayin'... There's that balance thing again.
Getting out of your pjs, taking a shower, and eating lunch are good first steps for "self care". I've also bought nail polish for the first time in years, dyed my hair, and bought new shoes in the past week. I need a hair cut... I'm planning to ride my bike home from work (6 miles ish) at least once a week. Baby steps... It's hard as a Mom to walk the line between taking care of your self/having a good sense of self and not feeling like you are being selfish.
family. Mikey is an amazing husband. The boys bring laughter and joy and innocence and fresh perspective on life. Siblings- I love that we are all willing to drive here or there or chat at all hours with each other. I'm pretty sure we would (literally) swim the ocean if need be. My parents have surprised me. Not by their love and support (that's a no brainer) but by their ability to be objective and challenge me in situations rather than just automatically "siding" with me.
Not having (blood) relatives in town is challenging. Even after 10 years its still really hard. Thank you Jesus for my amazing friends.
And a closing thought, a spark of hope, yes, there IS hope...
"14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole familya in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
